22 April 2009

Obesity: The New SUV?

Global warming conspiracy theorists strike again. First, we had to be guilted into the feeling that our gas guzzling SUVs were placing the planet into imminent peril. We were instructed to engage in immediate cessation of all of our terrible actions or death was certain.

We have already been educated all about carbon emissions and how the Earth was heating up at an alarming rate. We were instructed to get rid of our SUVs. Now we have to get rid of fat people.

Is this going to be an inconvenient truth we must face? Will we be instructed on what to do to lose weight by someone who is overweight? Will these people tell us to turn off our lights while they have electric bills that are thousands of dollars a month? Will they fly around in the least fuel efficient private jet in its class while telling us our cars must be sent to the graveyard? Will they drive around giant SUVs covered with Obama stickers? Or, will we have to endure a movie about how evil fat people are? Probably all of these.

You used to just have to be an evil capitalist to be harming the planet. Now, you just have to eat too much. Who is the next carbon emissions devil? Babies? Puppies? Or how about cute little kittens? Nah, it has to be something more diabolical. Maybe an ex Vice President.

Maybe we should all just get mopeds. They would stop the fabricated crisis in its tracks. Right? There is only one problem with this. Riding a moped is a lot like riding a fat girl...they both can be fun but you don't want your friends to catch you on one.

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